Do you struggle to keep the passion and connection in your relationship alive? Feeling love and support enhances our sense of belonging and wellbeing. Try these 5 powerful tips to keep your relationship strong and vibrant.
Lori Kret and Jeff Cole, Aspen Relationship Coaching Produced by Healthy Life Project
“Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made like bread; remade all the time, made new." - Ursula K. Le Guin
1. Be the Person You Really Want to Be.
Too often we rely on our partners or our relationship to make us feel secure or confident or valued. Instead commit to being authentically the person you really want to be, and take
responsibility for moving your life in that direction. Our partners are someone with whom to share our lives, not someone to become dependent on.
2. Don't Let Resentments Pile Up.
The little annoyances that don't seem to be that big of a deal in the moment can build up to be an unresolvable mountain of resentment that can kill a relationship. So commit to regular check-ins weekly or monthly, so you can resolve the resentment issues and clear the air. At first, it may be challenging to talk about your resentments in a non blaming and non- judgmental way, as it's difficult to hear from your partner how your actions and your behavoirs may be impacting them. But stick with it. With a little bit of practice, it become exponentially easier to do.
3. Practice Mindful Communication.
If you find yourself communicating with your partner out of frustration or feeling emotionally charged, it's important to take a timeout and take a few deep breaths. It tells your brain and your body that you really are safe, and that things really are ok.
From that place, you can take some time and figure out what you are feeling, wanting and needing from your partner. Once you have that insight, go back, meet with your partner, and and share that with them in a respectful, calm and centered way.
Too often we get caught up in conflict, and we drive those conversations further and further into the hole. Take some time to practice.
4. Prioritize Intimacy
So many relationships, once they move our the honeymoon phase, let intimacy, and sex in particular, fall further and further down the priority list.
Sex is really important in relationships.
It releases this amazing flood of hormones
for both the male and the female. Those
hormones make us feel really bonded and
deepen that connection that we have with our partner. It's that deep bonding and connection that helps hold us together
and weather those storms. If this is a relationship issue for you, it's ok, but commit to keep working on it.
One thing you can do is connect to your own sensuality. Whether it's through art or music or food, find ways that excite you and tune you back to your senses. Bring that back to your partner. At the least, keep talking about it.
Don't let it become the elephant in the room.
If you struggle with intimacy keep using those conversations with your partner as a way to bring the spark back.
5. Practice daily gratitude for your partner.
It's so easy in ups and downs of relationships for us to get caught up in the day-to-day minutia, and things that are irritating or frustrating us. It's so important to take the time to say to your partner, "here's what I appreciate about you, and I love you." Share how much you care about your partner, and remind them that they matter.
Relationships are hard, but they are well worth the effort. Commit to taking action today to apply the 5 tips above with your partner, or even towards a friend (with the exception of #4 of course).
What tip or tool do you use to keep the spark in your relationship alive? Please comment below. We'd love to hear from you!
Watch relationship books that Lori and Jeff recommend: watch video
Lori and Jeff, of Aspen Relationship Coaching, provide a unique approach to relationship coaching, with couple to couple counseling.